I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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