just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
