Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
