wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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