I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
