There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize