I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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