he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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