i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
