I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
