shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
