I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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