its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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