This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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