the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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