It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
