Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
