Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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