so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just high enough for therapy.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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