Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
