he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize