oh god the rape fog is back!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
