Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
