We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
