I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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