Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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