she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
