when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
