can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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