And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
