Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
