So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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