I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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