The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
