We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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