My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The struggles of a small town man whore
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
