When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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