Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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