Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
