Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize