Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
