My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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