Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
