The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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