There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
