I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
