I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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