So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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