why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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