I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
