I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
