PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
