lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
