we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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