highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
