Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
