Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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