i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
