I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize