GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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