What did we do last night that was yellow?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
