the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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