Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
its liver damage thursday
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