he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dicks are not precious.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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