And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
